that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
