God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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