I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
