Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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