But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize