if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
