I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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