He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
