i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
