just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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