jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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