We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
