cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
