why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
