I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
