then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
