Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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