When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
