I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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