I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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