So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
