My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
