I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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