There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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