quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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