Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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