I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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