I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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