I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
