It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
