4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
