i don't like sucking hair
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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