yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
