Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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