I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We had to coat check the pizza.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
