it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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