Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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