He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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