I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
