so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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