Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
