I wish I could teleport
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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