At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
