if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
