i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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