I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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