Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
