so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
