I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
