Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize