Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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