Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
