I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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