We're facebook friends in real life
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
