her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
